Ed Intervenes
by Augusta
Summary: This is something I came up with a while back. SF I upped the rating cause the language is a little more pronounce and there's one scene.
1. Ed Will Help

Summary: This is something I'd really like to see on Cowboy Bebop, I could imagine seeing on Cowboy Bebop, but I know the writers won't put it in. Especially since Spike is dead. (WHAAAAAAA!)  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing! I don't even own the computer I'm writing this on.  
  
-- Snip...snip...snip --  
  
The Bebop was quite, aside from the occasional sound of Jet trimming his Bonsai tree. This was because Ed and Ein had gone off somewhere and no one knew exactly when they'd be back. Faye had left a few hours ago, not really saying when she'd be back. Spike was in his favorite place; sprawled out on the couch, his hands behind his messy green hair. Every once in a while a soft snore would escape him.  
  
* * *  
  
Faye strode proudly into the Bebop and confidently slammed the door behind her. Spike snorted from the couch and awoke with a jerk. He opened one eye and glared down his long slim nose at her. Jet looked up from his bonsai. "Where have you been?"  
  
She untied her red jacket and tossed over the back of a chair and then plopped down in it and propped her feet on the table. "At the race track."  
  
"How much did you lose this time?" Spike said.  
  
She raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. "What do you mean this time?"  
  
Spike shifted on the couch, trying to get back into his former comfortable position. "I mean, every time you go to the track you lose wulongs, and lots of 'em."  
  
"I don't lose money every time I go."  
  
Spike snorted. "Just about. Right, Jet?"  
  
He didn't even look up from his bonsai. "Hey, don't bring me into this."  
  
Faye smiled up at him. "Smart man."  
  
"Some friend you are, lettin' me take the full brunt of her bitchiness."  
  
"Who are you callin' bitchy!?"  
  
Jet rolled his eyes from where he sat, bent over his precious tree, knowing full well what would happen if he took a side.  
  
"You're just jealous!"  
  
"Of what? The fact that you can't get off you're lazy ass long enough to catch a bounty, or even try!"  
  
"At least I don't always lose money gambling!"  
  
He'd heard their arguments so many times he was beginning to tire of them. At least he didn't have to pretend to ignore this one for long, though. Ed burst through the door, her arms full of packages and Ein barking at her heels. Spike and Faye didn't even look up from their verbal war.  
  
"What do ya got there?"  
  
Ed dumped her load on the floor and began tossing stuff at Jet. "I gots lots of stuff. Fish, melons, hamburgers, noodles..."  
  
"How did you get all this Ed? You didn't steal it, did you?"  
  
The red head giggled insanely at him, did a backward roll and then popped up, doing an airplane impression. "No, Ed not steal. Brrroooooom! Ed and Ein catch fish in the river...ZOOM! And Ed helped man fix his computer and he gave Ed and Ein lots of food. Wheeeeeeeee!"  
  
Jet stared at the food for a minute and then decided it was better than the soybeans they'd had last night, so he didn't ask again if she stole it. Even if her story was true, she couldn't have gotten this much for fixing a computer. Suddenly Ed popped up in his face, blinking curiously.  
  
"Why are Faye-Faye and Spike-person fighting, Jet?"  
  
He heaved a sigh. "They're always mad at each other and end up fighting. I'm surprised you haven't noticed it yet, Ed. I wish they'd get along. Hell, I just wish they'd quit fighting all the damn time!"  
  
"Ed will help!" Before Jet could stop her, Ed had run over to the dueling pair and jumped up on the coffee table.  
  
"Faye-Faye and Spike-person kiss and make up!" And with that she pushed the back of their heads together, which caused their lips to fuse. They stared at each other for a second, they're eyes wide and then both wrenched way from the other. Spike ran a hand through his hair and then stuck both in his pockets, not sure what else to do with them. Faye stood stock- still; her hand stopped midway to her lips before reaching into the jacket she had draped over the back of the chair. She dropped a wad of cash on the table.  
  
"I, uh...just thought...you'd like to...um...know...I won...200,000 wulongs at the track." She rushed up the stairs and slammed the door to her room behind her. Spike stared down at the money and then up at the door to Faye's room. Jet watched him for a few minutes and Spike still didn't move. He turned to listen for any sounds coming from Faye's room, but heard nothing. Ed bounced up onto Jet's shoulders, nearly knocking him down.  
  
"Did Ed do a good job?"  
  
He reached up and patted her tousled head. "You did great Ed. How about fish and watermelon tonight?"  
  
Ed rushed off acting like a plane with Ein barking at her heels. "Wheeeeeee!"  
  
Jet gave Spike one last look, found him still standing silently by the couch, and then headed for the kitchen, shaking his head and chuckling. "Well, I'll be damned." 


	2. A Real Kiss

**Disclaimer:** See Chapter 1.

**Summary:** This is for all you who wanted more.

Reiki725-Thanks. And it was in there cause it seemed like the thing to say.

Munch's GunAngel-Sorry you didn't get to edit it pre-posting. Thanks for the help with the first one.

Zottie-I'm glad you think it doesn't suck.

Black Rose of Nevermore-My sisters had the same reaction.

Kate Spiegel-Why thank you Mrs. Spiegel.

Rose19-Everyone's allowed to act childish once in a while. Just don't over-abuse that privilege.

Neverland's Apprentice-Thank you, thank you!

Even though Jet had initially enjoyed the quite that now permeated the Bebop, it was beginning to unnerve him. The silence at dinner had been a nice change. Having dinner itself had been a nice change, thanks to Ed. Faye and Spike had spoken about three words…together, which consisted of his "Good fish," and her "Mm-hmm."

Now Jet sat on the couch, too weirded out by the uneasy silence to work on his Bonsai. Finally fed up with everything, he got up and headed for the docking bay only to be stopped by a certain redhead pouncing on him. Her bare feet firmly gripped his shiny dome as she bent to look him in the eye.

"Where is Jet going?"

"Down to the planet."

"Whyyyy?"

He gently shrugged his shoulders so as not to knock her off. "Change of scenery."

The genius teen considered this for a few seconds before vaulting off his head with a gymnast's grace. "Ed will come too."

"You think you could hack into the government's computer system when we get there? I need to look for something."

"Pshaw. Mere child's play for the great Edward."

"Maybe we could go fishing then."

She was gone and back in two shakes of Ein's stubby tail with two poles over her shoulder. "Ah, now there is a challenge!"

"You think we could pick up a few beers on the way?"

"Only a few. Ed does not want Jet to be too drunk to fish. Then Jet would be a redneck."

He groaned. "You've been listening to those antique CD's of Spike's again, haven't you?"

"Yup! Jeff Foxworthy tells very funny jokes." She took on a passable Southern accent. "If you have ever been caught lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck. If your father walks you to school every day because you are in the same grade, you might be a redneck. If you have ever…"

"Enough, enough! Let's go already."

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Faye lay as still as she could on her bed. Her whole body seemed to be overly sensitized. Her ears heard every sound Spike made in the next room, her nose picked up his scent and her body tingled when he walked past her door as he came back from the bathroom, and worst of all, her lips were still tender from when her inadvertently kissed her, even though that was hours ago.

Right now the man was in his bed, presumably sleeping, and she heard the sheets shift and the headboard bump the wall between them every time he moved. It was beginning to drive her up said wall.

Making up her mind she shoved herself off the bed and grabbed a towel and some bubble bath and headed for the bathroom. A nice hot bath always seemed to calm her and more importantly, the bathroom was at the other end of the ship.

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Spike rolled over again, the sheets twisting around his legs. Then, he flopped onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling. A headache pounded inside his skull, keeping him awake. Actually, what happened earlier that day kept running through his brain and that's why he couldn't sleep, but like he would admit to that.

Giving up, he rolled out of bed, slipped on his shirt, and padded barefoot to the bathroom in search of some aspirin. Needless to say, finding a naked Faye submerged in a tub full of suds surprised the hell out of him. The chain of events that followed probably would've been funny had Jet and/or Ed actually been there to witness them.

When Faye saw Spike walk in she ducked down in the tub and screamed, which made Spike jump back into Ein, who was following him with the hope of getting fed, who then ran between the man's legs to escape, which made Spike land on his back, hard. Ein, who had run into the bathroom in her attempt to escape, jumped in the tub with Faye, thinking the woman would protect her. This, of course, made Faye scream more, which startled the dog, again (poor Ein), who finally ran for the safety of the kitchen.

As soon as Ein had jumped out of the tub and ran out the door, Faye's cries had died down. She peeked over the mounds of bubbles that surrounded her to find Spike spread-eagle on his back.

"Spike, are you okay?"

The man groaned in response and levered himself up with his elbows until he reached a sitting position. He then rubbed his rump and climbed to his feet. "Ugh…my ass."

Faye watched quietly as he made his way to the medicine cabinet, downed two aspirin, and rubbed his rump again only to find his pants were wet from when he landed, since it was in a puddle.

Faye piped up again. "Spike, are you okay?"

Spike blinked and rubbed his butt again before answering. "My ass is wet."

Faye's jaw dropped right before her face screwed up with anger. "Your ass is wet? Your ass is wet? Is that all you can say? You, you…you man! You stupid, self-centered, idiotic, egotistical, pig-headed asshole of a man; after all that's gone on today, all that's happened to us, all you can say is your ass is wet?! Well, here, let me take care of that for you!"

And with that, she swept her arm through the water, setting a small deluge on Spike. Now, along with his butt, Spike's whole front side was drenched.

He shook the water from his eyes. "What's your problem?"

Faye let out a frustrated growl and shoved more water at him, leaving him completely soaked and sudsy along with the rest of the bathroom.

He silently walked to the closet and pulled out a dry towel. Then, he sat next to the tub as he dried his hair. "This is about that 'kiss' isn't it?"

"Well, duh! Give the man a cigar."

He dropped the towel around his neck, propped his elbows on his knees, and leaned his head back on the edge of the tub. Faye finally realized her nudity and the lack of bubbles and brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"I don't know why you're so…I don't know. I mean, that wasn't even a real kiss." Spike said.

Faye frowned at him and grabbed the towel from around his neck. She stood and wrapped it around herself so quickly Spike didn't even get a peek. Stepping out on to the bath rug and feeling sorry for her earlier outburst, she offered him a hand.

"What do you mean that wasn't a real kiss?" Faye asked as she helped him up.

He shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. "There was no…meaning, reason…no feeling behind it. It was just a…a 'smush'."

Faye crossed her arms over her chest and cocked a hip. "Really. Then what do you consider a 'real' kiss?"

He looked at her as if she were completely stupid for what felt like forever. Then he leaned in and touched his lips to hers. She squeaked in surprise and then leaned in. He gently ran his tongue across the seam of her lips and slanted his over hers, all the while keeping his hands firmly in his pockets and his body at least a hands-breath away from hers. When he finally pulled back he found her lips a bit swollen and her cheeks a little flushed.

"What was that?" Faye asked.

"That was a 'real' kiss." He replied.

Faye pressed her lips together briefly. "I'm not sure I got that."

Spike smirked and leaned in again. Faye wrapped her arms around his neck as their tongues dueled. He kept his hands tucked in his pockets, knowing that if he touched her, he wouldn't be able to stop.

Faye rose up on her toes to better take advantage of his mouth and instead slipped and started to tumble. Spike's arms whipped out and around her waist, bringing her body closer to his.

Faye found that now her nose was pressed firmly into Spike's chest. "Oops."

"Right."

She reached up and captured his mouth with hers and Spike eagerly gripped her rear end.

"Maybe…mm…we should…hmm…should take this somewhere else." Spike mumbled between kisses.

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Ed goose-stepped smartly through the ship, a string of large fish over her shoulder. Jet meandered in behind her, two fishing poles in one hand and a half-full beer in the other. They were almost to the kitchen when Faye and Spike stumbled out of the bathroom in each other's arms. Faye's fingers twisted into his hair and Spike's hands glued to her ass.

Jet took a swig from his bottle and assessed the situation. "Well, at least you're not fighting."

Faye and Spike's heads turned and Spike promptly dropped Faye on her well-rounded bottom. Then both scrambled for their respective rooms.

Ed giggled. "They funny!"

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Faye crept out of her room, clutching her robe to her. She tentatively knocked on Spike's door and he answered a few seconds later. He stood there in only a pair of pajama pants, staring at her questioningly.

"Can I come in?"

He opened the door wider and stepped back. She closed the door behind her and let her robe gape in the process, revealing that all she had on underneath was a skimpy red negligee. Spike's eyebrows went up and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth; and then he pounced.

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Jet heard the resounding thud from the general direction of the bedrooms and smiled. He checked his watch as he flipped the channel on the television.

"Hmm. They held out for a half an hour. Took long enough."

Ed looked up from her computer. "What took long enough, Jet?"

"Nothing important Ed. Just don't go wake up Spike and Faye tomorrow morning."

"Why for not?"

"They're busy…making up for past problems."

Ed quickly lost interest in the conversation and turned back to whatever was on her computer as Jet turned up the volume on the TV so the lovebirds could have their privacy.

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I do believe this constitutes the end of this story. Thanks again to all of your reviews.


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